Finding the Rhythm

I really do try and keep off-topic posts in this blog to a minimum. The purpose here is to talk about dance music, the dance music industry, DJ stuff, production stuff, and related… Stuff. But hopefully you’ll permit me this opportunity to rant. I promise it won’t happen again. Soon.

These days, social media is a necessary evil. Just like e-mail, just like instant messaging, when your friends, colleagues, fans, associates, family members, neighbors, and others are all Twittering and Facebooking and whatever-else-ing, you feel like a bit of a dork when you’re odd one out, like some sort of technology curmudgeon stuck in the rotary phone era.

So, like many others, I Twitter, I Facebook, and I even still MySpace despite MySpace being the stinky armpit of social networking these days.

Facebook is arguably the most useful of the various social networking services. It’s nowhere near as ugly as MySpace, for a start. And it has some actually somewhat useful features and capabilities. Plus it seems that even my most reluctant friends have caved to peer pressure and have Facebook accounts now.

But all that said, I’m beginning to hate to Facebook. MySpace might well be a metric f*ck ton of ugly right out there on the surface, but Facebook tucks it all away under the hood where you don’t see it at first. Facebook’s “ugly” are the so-called “apps” that are reproducing like rabbits, it seems, along with all the other dingleberries aplenty that go along with them.

It’s all so ugly that if I get one more invitation to from some stupid “app” a friend thought I might find as cute as they did, or one more wall posting from an “app” a friend just interacted with, I think I’m going to go postal.

Dear Facebook friends, let me be clear:

• If you want to kiss me, just kiss me for real, and don’t bother sending me some digital Facebook app version of one.
• I don’t care what city my friends are most suited to live in, based on a test they took, and I don’t want to see it on my wall.
• I don’t care what five actors my friends most look like, based on a test they took, and I don’t want to see it on my wall.
• I don’t care which Harry Potter character my friends are most similar to, based on a test they took, and I don’t want to see it on my wall.
• I don’t care which ______ my friends most ______, based on a test they took, and I don’t want to see it on my wall.
• I don’t collect hearts, lollipops, Peeps, or any other form of digital tchotchke. (I got over digital tchotchke when my Tamagotchi died.)
• I don’t want to be “poked.” If you want to say hello, say, “Hello!” Really; it’s just six keystrokes and a couple of clicks more effort.
• I don’t want to be a fan of anything or anyone I don’t choose myself, and no, I don’t want to be a part of a group that I haven’t already joined.

Oh, and while I’m at it…

Dear Facebook,

• I do not know why you think I’m interested in being friends with friends of friends, friends of friends I defriended (yes, that happens), fans of people I’m a fan of, other people in a group I belong to, or people in some sort of affiliation I’m in. Just because I share one interest or contact with someone doesn’t mean I know them—or want to.
• Just because a friend became a fan of someone or something, or joined a group, doesn’t mean I want or need to know about it, nor does it mean that I have even potential interest in doing the same, so stop telling me about it. Really. Stop. Please stop.

I like Facebook. I do. Mostly. Sort of.

But all the rest of the crap that comes with it is just a new version of spam. Instead of communicating, or communicating something useful, let’s just send a bunch of digital detritus around and call it communication.

It isn’t.

Just to be very clear as well, if my friends love all this stuff? That’s awesome! Great! Have at it! I’m glad you’re enjoying it, and part of me wishes I did too, but I don’t. But it’s not unlike other areas of life; for example, just because you enjoy eating balut eggs or escamole tacos doesn’t mean I should have to choke them down.

It’ll never happen, but I sorta wish there was a “Block All” button or a “Hide All” button for Facebook apps. They need to get off my wall, out of my “Highlights,” and they need to stay off.

I guess if all this makes me a social networking curmudgeon… Well… I’ve been called worse. Earlier today, in fact. 

Rant complete. The next posting I make will be about dance music. I promise.